unique moments

The other night I settled down to revisit Garden State. It is a sweet little film but I still despise the last 15 minutes. I don't understand why it seems to lose all of it's self awareness at the end. It feels like I accidentally changed channels and got stuck watching some corny Hallmark film.

My favourite part is this:

Tonight me and Shane have been having fun making some silly unique moments ourselves.

Thanks so much for your comments on the previous post, good to know you are still out there! Milla, I am tres excited about the possibility of swapping lovelies with you!

a little needy

Oh my goodness me! How neglected this little blog has been. I doubt there is ANYONE left to read it. If anyone is out there, hello, how've ya been?

Molly is growing and growing and growing, it is hard to believe that it's all happening on breast milk! She captures my heart more and more every day and I regularly well up with emotion at just how much I love and adore her. Who would have thought but being a mum has made me unbelievably happy.

Though life is not a bed of roses exactly. Shane works horrible, anti social shifts in a job he absolutely loathes. So I spend around 60% of my week feeling like a single mum, stuck in the boonies with no transport, refreshing facebook a million times a second so I can receive some form of communication a little more sophisticated than the 'please change my diaper' cry or the 'feed me NOW woman!' cry.

Needless to say, I feel a little needy.

When Shane arrives home (on the occasions he is home for more than 6 hours sleep before he is back into 'hell' again) I am unbelievable relieved. It surprises me how much better I feel having another set of hands around to pass molly to or help clean up. I guess sometimes It just takes three.

I could go on, but it would probably just become one of those blogs that looks intimidatingly long and is never actually read.

So I've started to get into twitter. The isolation of being a brand new stay at home mum can be overwhelming at times and the internet really does keep me sane. Especially with nursing as i'm rooted to one spot unable to do much but surf the 'interweb'. 

So feel free to follow me on twitter (my username is steenink) and let me know if you are a fellow twitterer yourself. 

One of the people I am following is Stephen Fry, the Magee household are big big fans of "the fry". He has been twittering lately about this campaign.  It is abhorrent to me that the New Zealand government feel they can deem someone guilty of copyright infringement simply upon accusation, with no evidence and no trial.

But I started to argue with myself over the possible success of this campaign. It has a great premise, but I ask you, can we really make a difference by changing our profile pics and status? 

For now, I have decided that trying doesn't hurt. And the least that can happen is that the people who pursue my status and read up on it are more informed and perhaps impassioned about human rights and angered about it's violation. 

Is accessibility to the internet a human right? maybe not, but the right to trial is. 

let me know what you think? 

these things, i love

Mette Linderberg of the Asteroids Galaxy Tour, has there ever been anyone cuter?! I discovered her when catching up on Never Mind the Buzzcocks episodes last night. It turns out they have found their fame by being featured in an ipod shuffle ad, something i've missed as we opt out of the whole television thing.  I can only get my hands on a few of their songs (I guess that's the curse of attaining fame before you're ready) but i'm hooked.  AND her bangs have got me wondering wether I need to take another trip down that lane again...hmm, it is a perpetual conundrum for me. 

Gimmie! Loving this gorgeous piece of jewellery by Norwegian Wood over at Etsy:
I need a vintage/bright plate collection for above my kitchen window!:
Banksy - you are a genius:
indeed:

adjusting to mutha'hood

to my shock I've been hanging out at momversation.com and loving it. 

No seriously, the site is called 'momversation'...see what they did there? 

Never in my life did I imagine myself spending hours watching a bunch of 'moms' talk about all things motherly. Never did I imagine that I would find so much of my identity in being a mum. I can't believe how completely gooey I become at the sight of a baby, never mind the surge of love that besets me when I see the ickle cuteness that is my very own daughter, Molly. 

The first few weeks of Molly's life was a strange introduction to motherhood for me.  Once I finally got unplugged from the IV's and the darn catheter, I was allowed to go visit her in the Neonatal ICU. Shane wheeled me down there in a wheelchair and we nervously hovered outside her incubation box until a nurse gave us permission to take her out and hold her. Aside from two brief moments when I was doped up on the magnesium sulfate (one of them shortly after delivery) this was effectively the first time I got to hold my daughter, 30 something hours after she left my very body. It felt that she had been stolen from me. 

As I've said before, I've never been around babies, so I already felt that I was roaming in strange territory. But when Molly was handed to me that evening, I felt like I was being supervised. There where nurses everywhere and Molly was hooked up to a bunch of different leads to monitor her.  In my head I genuinely felt that if I held her wrong or didn't appear responsible enough it would get noted in some file somewhere and she would be taken from me, forever! I stared at her, quite suspiciously, wondering if I would ever get a chance at being her Mum. 

During the visit I kept myself kind of distanced from the whole situation keeping my emotions bottled up till I could return to the hospital room and have a meltdown. Back in the room I told Shane how i was feeling, sobbed, and muttered the words ' i love her' ..at this point Shane confessed that he was really glad to hear me say that as he was concerned during our nicu visit.

We were in hospital for a total of ten days and during that time the surveillance decreased until we had her in my room pretty much most of the day.   Our interaction with Molly seemed incredibly task focussed, she wasn't allowed home until she gained weight so we were on a strict regime, our three hour routine went like so:

• wake her
  
• change her
  
• attempt breastfeeding...fail miserably
  
• fortify breast milk in a bottle
  
• feed her bottle
  
• burp her
  
• pump so we had milk to fortify for next feeding
  
• put her back to sleep in her bed
  

(we were advised not to hold her as she slept as our movements might disturb her sleep and leave her drowsy for the next feeding).

• finally, speak to an nicu nurse and tell them how long she breast fed for, how many ml's she took from the bottle and how much I was able to pump. 

Repeat two hours later. 

And so this was the beginning, little time for bonding, no grace for mistakes.  This treacherous pattern continued the first week she was home.  It wasn't until week two that I decided to take some time out and stare at her, talk to her, sing to her, snuggle her..and that is where the love affair truly began, my heart is bursting. The other night, she was sleeping next to me and I reached out to her in the dark and held her tiny little hand - I swear, for a few seconds I was floating. 

She is gaining weight rapidly, breast feeding wonderfully and i'm SURE she is smiling at me. She is perfect, she is Molly and she is alllllllll mine (and a little bit of her dad's ;o).

 

Molly Joan Magee - the most beautiful girl in the world

On December 4th I gave birth to this stunning little creature

I do want to write up some kind of 'birth story' at some point. But right now, i'm just too busy staring at, feeding, changing, bathing and all together caring for my daughter (!!! oh I love how that sounds! 'my daughter'!!).

In brief, molly came a month early as her mummy (that's me!) was very sick with a thing called pre-eclampsia. Shane sat by my bedside through the whole long process blogging from his iphone. I doubt I could write the birth story better than him, so if you're interested you might like to have a wee read of his account of it all, start here and work your way forward. 

6 weeks to go, but who's counting?

let me start by declaring, in just under 7 weeks I am going to be a mother and I have never changed a diaper! 

A great friend is throwing us a lovely unisex (phew) baby shower on Thursday the 27th. If you want to be there, contact me and I can pass on directions and times. 

Our registry is at toysRus (Saint John location, or toysrus.ca), listed under Shane Magee. I have tried to keep the list pretty small, with some of the bigger things that I know we will need. When it comes to clothing and toys, I thought I would leave it up to the gift giver (though we have plenty of sleepers, no need for more of them).  Now this is the important part:

We both feel very strongly about the importance of reusing and recycling. So if you do happen to see, or have, a registry item  (or item that is similar but a different brand etc.) second hand please let me know and I will remove it from the official list and considered it bought. 

We welcome and indeed encourage used/vintage/second hand/loved (however you want to call it) gifts.  Baby items are so temporary, it seems such a waste to spend a ton of money on items that are readily available second hand (and very often barely used and in perfect condition!).  

A big thank you in advance and thanks already to those who have given us lovely lovely things and of course those who have lavished us with lovely lovely love.  This is an exciting and scary adventure we are about to embark on. We both feel so excited and nervous to meet our little kid! I hope s/he likes us!